Unconditional Love

It seems there has been much trouble with me these last few days, for I have watched the world turn upside down by my own hands. I have had the unfortunate role of creating some of the most horrifying things, yet I have watched beautiful things come out of it. I will admit to all that I have much fear, for those that I once gave my unconditional love to left me to silence.

Even in the silence of my "family" I still see and feel myself dying for them, I cannot say anything for sure but I feel as if they would watch in shock and horror to the act, they may not know how to respond.

As I wept in sorrow from what I had created, I seemingly pushed away a brother who I hold very dear in my heart. I can only explain my love for him with words, but even in these words it will truly never be understood. I pushed him away, I pushed in fear, he told me he was to protect me and in a sense he did because in pushing him away I see the errors of my ways, I see that my current state has made me vulnerable and even influenced.

I let influence of the past get in the way of the one trying to protect me, I thought maybe I would in the end be protecting him, but now I see it, now I must grab it, and so now I must tell all this.

Turn to those you love during hard times, the love must be mutual, the heart must be felt as much as the heart gives. Reach and extend your hand to those who fall. Reach and grab the extended hand when you fall. If you make a mistake, make amends.

Always remember this, do not throw away blindly the unconditional love of another, pick it up and accept the love, for in the end you may find that you may unconditionally love them.

Home

It is about that time to vent about something that has been on my mind for months now, and this time the topic is about "Home".

In my heart there is a hole.

It is a hole of great magnitude.

I feel a deep longing to be in a place.

This place feels real.

This place feels right.

This place feels like home.

I have come to the conclusion in this chapter of my life that it is time to move away from where I am now, to where I feel is home. I have grown tired of where I am now and so it is time to break free from this confining place and embrace a new start.

I must admit I have had dreams of this place, dreams that have spanned not only from back in my childhood, but even more now.

I speak of this now because I hope one day someone will see this and maybe just maybe feel what I feel without me having to give a descriptive writing regarding what this hole feels like. Maybe just maybe the individual will do something like I will be doing very soon, if not I urge others to just think about it.

I feel home is a very important thing in our lives, it is where we feel right, it is where we feel complete, and it is where we can truly be happy.

Because to me:

Home is where the heart is.

Home is where the mind is.

Home is where the soul is.

Home is where the body should be.

Reaping What You Sow

As life moves we make choices, as we make choices life moves. Everything you do is a result of a choice and everything that happens results in a choice. The question at hand is can you reap what you sow.

I find many out there who seem to have this happen to them often. One who trusts his spouse enough to not have a password on his computer, only to find she reads his computer and than leaves him cold and alone. One who finds love in one and gives her his heart, only to find it to be a game with her. Another who left her spouse for a mistake made, only to find she still loves him.

The simple fact is we are a species of errors. We learn from our mistakes and we move on. But some cannot accept others errors, some cannot accept others choices, and so they break ties and burn bridges, setting everything around them in flames as they burn themselves and others alive.

It is crazy how the ones who you trust call you crazy and yet they themselves cannot even follow what they truly believe, shutting down all thoughts and calling them insane. Is it really insane to be open about beliefs or is it insane to not have beliefs and follow what others say?

Either way it doesn't matter. Because in the end of it all, you must be ready to reap what you sow.

Choose your life and live it before your lose the chances. This is your life to live.

Physical Contact

The physical presence of one wolf to the next is a very interesting thing. As energies flow between one another they start to intertwine. The physical presence is unmistakable, necessary. After one has experienced being near others it is set in stone. The presence is then needed.

Pure Indescribable Love

This one I write too Lecrecia, since she now shuns me away.

Lecrecia, I hope one day you may find this, I hope one day that you will look at me again. Inside I am hurt, inside I don't understand what I did to deserve this. All I know now is what's left from all this.

Lecrecia even now I still love you, even in silence I still love you, even in death I still love you, even as transparent as I feel I still love you. I wish you would just listen to me, I wish you would stop running from what we both know and feel.

I listen to the song, and I hope you do too, I wrote it for you and I will write for you again, for I know what I feel in my veins, this only strengthens my resolve, for I am forever yours.

For nothing can destroy this pure indescribable love I have for you.

The Heart Is The Mind

I feel myself slowly learn to trust myself more. I am starting to slowly understand many new things in this world. My eyes are open, my mind is clear, and my heart speaks. As these days have gone by I feel my heart speak more and more.

I am starting to realize how much I am changing inside, and I also understand how much I will be changing on the outside.

There isn't much to talk to but these days have seemed to be different to me. I am starting to feel more primitive in my wants and needs. These wants and needs seem to just overwhelm everything else and in truth I accept it. I accept it because it is simply me becoming myself, it is not alien nor does it feel alien. Instead it feels like me, in my heart I know it is me.

In time I will explain some of these needs and wants, but for now, I must revel in what I am.

The Wolf Inside

The Wolf that I am hungers to get out. I am downright honest when I say I feel so caged like this. I feel so incomplete and simply wrong like this. I need to feel like myself, I need to be myself on the outside.

I feel it getting stronger everyday and I now know why I shouldn't bury such deep feelings. It hurts and it doesn't because I know someday it will happen. It still however doesn't change the fact that I feel this way, and it's my feelings and my feelings alone to feel.

I constantly push where I am, always working to up my career, always pushing hard to be free, yet here I am typing this entry. I am tired of trying to adapt to this society, this society just seems so colorless and lifeless.

Where is the beauty of the world around us? Why do people not see or work around the beauty? Why do people separate themselves from the world around them?

Simply put I know some of these answers but I want to hear it from their mouthes, I want to hear it from their minds and not my own.

I just want to be done with this struggle, but I do not want to just leave it be.

I am the wolf

The wolf is me

The wolf inside

Needs to be free